I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
