Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
