The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
