I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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