whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
