Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
