but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
