Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
