so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
