I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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