Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this hospital has no fireball
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
