i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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