i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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