never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
