I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
