If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A+ Viking dick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
