Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
