the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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