I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
