so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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