Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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