There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
