How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
