Tell her she can't have a vagina
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Two words: nipple clamps
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