After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
