My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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