She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
