I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
