I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize