I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
