did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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