the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
