Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
