I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
