I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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