guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
