it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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