Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
