I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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