Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
