i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
