this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
