I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
