Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
