After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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