she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
