he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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