Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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