from now on my penis is your penis
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
