I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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