WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
