Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
