Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
