i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
