Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
