Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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